Washington, D.C., February 14, 2019 - Reflecting on the 3rd century martyr Valentine, prominent scholars of early Church history unanimously agreed that he would have approved of our Valentine's Day celebrations.
"Having $150 bouquets of artificially grown, chemical-laden roses and overpriced boxes of saccharine-sweet milk chocolate delivered to somebody you're romantically involved with -- yes, that's surely the best way to commemorate the life of someone who was beaten with clubs and beheaded because he wouldn't renounce his faith," said Dr. William Williamson, PhD, of Harvard University.
Dr. David Doolittle of Stanford concurred. "I mean, folks can't muster the commitment actually to tie the knot these days. But why not celebrate our lack of commitment by celebrating the life of a celibate priest whose commitment to the faith was so strong that he'd die for it?"
The Roman martyrology actually mentions three Valentines. At least one was a bishop; all three suffered horrific deaths because they wouldn't deny their faith during a period of intense persecution of Christians under the Roman Emperor Claudius II.
According to some accounts, Valentine healed the blindness of his jailer's daughter. She converted to Christianity, and before his martyrdom he wrote her a note urging her to stay strong in the faith. He is said to have signed this letter, "Your Valentine."
"He's a celibate priest about to be beaten and beheaded, and he's sending a note to a girl who has likely committed herself to a life of virginity and is probably soon to share his fate." said Dr. Williamson. "Doesn't that just make you want to buy somebody some chocolate?"
Having been beheaded some 1,700 years ago, St. Valentine couldn't be reached for comment.
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