La Crosse, Wis., February 18, 2019 - Dairy cows here in Wisconsin and throughout the nation were quick to condemn U.S. Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's call last week for the elimination of "farting cows."
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| Image from Wikicommons |
Ocasio-Cortez, a 29-year-old, newly minted Democratic congresswoman from the Bronx unveiled a "New Green Deal" that was received enthusiastically by many left-of-center pundits and politicians. Among other radical proposals, Ocasio-Cortez's plan calls for "net-zero" carbon emissions within ten years. An accompanying "talking points" that has since been deleted elaborated, "We aren't sure that we'll be able to get rid of farting cows and airplanes that fast."
"Thank goodness for that," said Bessie. "I really don't plan to become hamburger quite that fast. I'm always telling the humans to 'eat mor chickin.'"
Although Bessie readily acknowledged the science indicating that cows emit more methane than humans, she was adamant that there is more to farts than methane. "Do you know of anyplace on earth where more hot air is produced than Washington, D.C.?" Bessie asked.
The rest of Bessie's herd was unanimous that the days when the wind blows from due east are by far the stinkiest. "Just read the latest Farm Bill, and you'll know what I mean," said Buttercup.
"I may emit seven pounds of methane per day, but I'm also producing 70 pounds of milk," Buttercup said. "In her proposal Ocasio-Cortez wants to provide 'economic security' to those who are 'unwilling to work.' Does she know what happens to those who are unwilling to work around this place?"
Bessie chimed in, "Maybe in the Brox they're sent to Congress, but not around here!"
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